The biggest mistake ever made was to create time. Many people have suggested the biggest mistake was humans, or the Earth, or the universe itself, but they are wrong. I should know, because I created them all. See in the beginning I was quite happy with myself. I existed within one point, musing away eternity without care, and then I created time.
There was no particular point in time that I conceived of time, that would be a silly concept, rather I conceived of it at all points before I created it. I was aware that at some point before time existed I conceived of it, for when there is no time then you perceive your entire existence simultaneously, so I was aware that at some point of my existence I conceived of time… and so I created it.
Now, an intelligent person, I like to call them arseholes. Yes, that is arse with an r, because calling them a donkey would be too uplifting for them. An intelligent person would realise that if I were to consider time as my greatest mistake then why would I have created it in the first place, especially if I was aware of all points of my existence at once.
Well, that is because the part of my existence that exists in time does not exist in the part of my existence that exists out of time. Which is such an obvious conclusion that you can see why I call such people arseholes. If the period of existence that was in time existed at the point of timelessness then it would not be a point of timelessness, would it?
I was aware of my mistake the instant, or rather the instant after, as time then existed, I created the blasted time system. It came on me extremely fast and was such a feeling that it tore me apart inside.
I was lonely.
When one exists in a timeless existence then loneliness is not a problem, there is no extended period of time to become lonely and so becoming lonely is quite impossible. This is quite hard for a human like you to experience, even those with psychological or mental conditions that lead you to desire loneliness do not quite understand the true experience of not feeling lonely, for even then a human is aware that there is others existing somewhere, but for myself I could not perceive of such a thing as I am the only one of my kind in all time… and outside of time unfortunately. For outside of time I had an eternity of thoughts to consider, and this was quite fascinating. Imagine having your entire lifetime’s thoughts available for you right now, now imagine that your lifetimes thoughts span infinite time and space. It is like being in a huge museum you can browse constantly with nothing else to distract you… it was very pleasant. Some computer literate people might also compare it to having the entirety of the internet accessible in your mind, all the time without concern about download speeds or latency.
But when time comes along it suddenly distracts you. No longer is there a great museum to browse, rather there is some stupid sign telling you to wait at the entrance until they finish off remodelling. Except the entrance to the museum has nothing or no one there. It is just a plain empty hallway that you can not leave, and saying a ‘hallway’ is complimentary, because at the beginning of time it was more like a flat, featureless pool of black fluid that stretched to the horizon with no end in sight and the knowledge that it was like that everywhere.
But anyway, I digress, explaining true loneliness to a created being is quite a waste of what I created, rather I should focus on the next bit that caused such a huge problem because of this stupid time idea.
You see, The instant after time came into being I felt lonely and decided I had to generate something to remove that loneliness, luckily I still remembered something from that before time self, an idea to create some sort of not-me thing. So I made this not-me stuff. It was quite small to begin with, and sort of boring. So I expanded it a bit to give it more detail and volume, doing this also helped infuse time into it so I could interact with it. It is very hard for a time based thing to interact with a non-time based thing, so I had to make sure this new stuff was time based because I was now stuck in the bloody thing.
Which brings up a point some of those afore mentioned arseholes have probably brought up by now, why don’t I just go back to being a timeless being? Oh yeah, you thought of that all by yourself did you, how smart. You thought of something I hadn’t thought of. Of course I thought of it!
Once I created time then I no longer existed out of time, If I went back to timelessness then I would not exist in the timelessness that I existed in before I invented time because I would be going backwards in time to a point before I invented time and therefore still be in reverse time and therefore still in a point when time existed. For those mathematically inclined I could explain it like I was an ant and created a number line where I started at zero and walked along the increasing numbers, realising my mistake I turned around to go back to zero but then realised that in creating the number line I had also created all the negative numbers in the opposite direction of where I was heading. By creating time I had removed the possibility of time equals zero. Every time I created a number in the positive direction then I also created a number in the negative direction. The serious issue with time is that it has infinite numbers in the positive direction. It is therefore not hard for me to travel forwards in time, neither is it out of my way to travel backwards in time. Which sounds sort of cool until you realise that because I exist from the beginning of time then I have already seen everything in the past and travelling forwards in time would mean I might miss out on something in the middle… which I do plan on trying sometime.
So anyway, I came to all this realisation in a fraction of a moment and decided to expand this new stuff to a point where it existed in time and so I could do stuff with it. At this point I discovered the one and only good thing about all this time stuff I had made, I found I liked curiosity.
Curiosity is something that one does not feel in a timeless state. In a timeless state I experienced everything simultaneously and so knew everything simultaneously, therefore had no curiosity about what I did not know. But once time was invented and I made something other than myself then I was fascinated by what was going to happen next. Sure I could extrapolate and surmise the logical conclusion, but there is a difference between knowing the sun is going to rise tomorrow and actually seeing it tomorrow. I was also curious if I could somehow use this not-me stuff to eventually make someone worthwhile to talk to. So I designated myself the sole purpose at that time of making stuff with the eventual aim of making someone else to talk to.
There was my second, although slightly lesser mistake, spending billions of years waiting for the universe I made to generate intelligent, sociable life. Yes, it was well worth the wait eventually, but It wasn’t until the first billion years had passed that I decided the whole event would have been better if I just skipped it. Nothing intelligent was around for a while, and the end result is just the same.
Maybe next time I will do it in seven days and just pretend it took billions of years.